Just starting out

Hi all.

I have recently embarked on the not-so-fun journey known as infertility treatments, and have taken great comfort from the blogs I have found in my endless hours on the internet (I have been on here so damn much my RE told my husband to throw out our computers). My blog name is a play on the fact that those of us who are in fertility treatments tend to throw around words like follicle stimulation and hysterosalopinogram in conversation; not because we are showing off, but because we feel it is the only thing that can make us feel in control of what is a completely out of control process.

Case in point: I have been trying to plan a trip to LA to see my sister and niece, two of my favorite people in the world, around my injectible and IUI treatments. This has meant postponements and various nightmares of planning trying to make sure I am in my 2WW during my vacation. Of course, this cycle was cancelled so I figured I was safe for at least another 14 days, til I started spotting today. I am praying (tho not religious in the least, I will take ANYTHING at this point) it is some weird reaction to the total dropoff of freaky hormones and not AF coming two goddamn weeks early. After a good 2 hour cry (I was watching back to back Scrubs on TIVO and it took 6 Scrubs with no commercials) I took to the airwaves and think maybe it was ovulation spotting? right? Shit.

J left for Dubai today and so I am wandering around the house. Sat down to write and through the shared row house wall can hear my adorable gay neighbor listening to Whitney Houston's Bodyguard sound track. He is singing along like it could break his heart. Made me smile. Oh god i swear he just changed to the latest Cher CD. Is he from central casting or what? I love him.

Questions for today: Why am I spotting? And how do I not feel and come off like like a victim (of my ovaries, of timing, of fate) all the time?? it is so unnattractive.


UPDATE: Yeah, it's my goddamn period. Broke down and called Dr S on a Sunday. Felt like an ass, but fertility treatments have no class anyway. He said to come in Thursday and that I may not have to cancel my trip as my cysts may be too big and we have to wait a month anyway. Oh joy.