I'm bringing sexy back

I am not dead. I just look like it.

The post title is not an homage to that boycandy, Justin Timberlake, but rather something very funny my dear friend Y says to her husband. As you know Y has a 2 month old, M, who is awesome and cute and sort of betrothed to our daughter (I never tire of writing that) C. I was telling her that I have altogether stopped whatever meager attempt at self-care I once had. Showering is optional, and I am on day 3 without one. Brushing teeth before 4 pm is a victory. I have worn my same "Lovergirl" bathrobe that my singing group got me for my wedding (J has a matching "Loverboy" one) every day to the point where its normal whiteness is now sort of grey and also yellow where formula stained it.

Not really sure what Im doing all day. Yet the time goes.

I am so appreciative of all your phone calls and emails and adorable baby gifts. Your excitement for us is overwhelming and beautiful.

My dear friends R and Y, who as you remember were both pg this year, have been invaluable at the "why does her umbilical cord smell bad" questions that are alarming but not quite bad enough to call the Ped. Though I have done that. At 11 pm.

I love my faraway mom friends who send me emails with great advice and also coo over her pictures when I know she sort of looks like a baby chicken and makes noise like a penguin. She is my chickenpenguin tho.

My family is so wonderful and when Grandmas and Grandpas call and ask how their granddaughter is I choke up.

I have not slept more than 3 hours in a row in two weeks.

I have had to get off a few conference calls from work (yes I am sort of kind of working, at my leisure, ha) because C made a poopy diaper and I cannot stand her living in filth. I, however, am PigPen reincarnate.

And I am so, so happy I cannot stop smiling. I love waking up at 3 fucking AM cause I know I wil see her sweet face. I love when she fixes on my face for a fleeting 2 seconds, because I know soon she will recognize me and be glad when I show up. I sing to her songs about Charlotte and Charlie and always end RockaBye Baby with us catching her when the bough breaks cause I hate that song and how it ends. And last night I sang her to sleep with Tri Delt songs. She especially loves mmmm my sister.

And what is really special is when J leaves the monitor on and I hear him talking to her. I love him so much.

I am dirty and gross and potentially very, very smelly. But it is all good.