Saturday, August 25, 2007

A mixed bag of triplets

So i started up with the support chat rooms again. And it is great. I already have a new group of supportive folks waiting for their newborn domestic baby with me. One woman private messaged me with the name of some adoption faciltiators - who are women (usually) who have been touched by adoption somehow and who help match birthparents up with adoptive parents. They are not licensed and when a match happens you have to then involve your home agency to take care of the legal fees. You usually pay the faciliators around $1500 for placement fee, and the rest of the fees go back to your agency. They work across the US and have a good network that provides them constant leads.

Yes. It sounds sketchy. And there are some sketchy adoption facilitators. But 70% of all the US's adoptions take place through private adoption (an attorney finds you a birthmother) or facilitators. The key is, like contractors, to take steps to ensure the process is legit.

So I talked to one facilitator yesterday. She was great. Nice, asked me the same questions the agency did, etc.

And then she called me back at 7:30 last night and said that because we had said we would take multiples she had a birthmom with TRIPLETS in Oregon and were we interested?

Holy. Shit.

After we picked ourselves off the floor, had a few minutes of funny musings around the tri-stroller and tri-crib we would have to buy, we politely declined. But we felt full of hope - if this woman could match us before we were even done (we would be done by the time the bm gave birth of course) we won't have to wait long at all!

But wait.

First, adoption facilitators may not even be legal in NJ. We may have to forgo any of that and focus on only licensed agencies, which is more expensive and may mean a longer wait time. I emailed AM AD today to ask.

Oh, and as our social worker R left us today she mentioned that the background check would take up to two months. We have had our stuff in for only 3 weeks.

We got a long wait till we go live. Really long now.

So triplets, we say goodbye. Going live in the next 60 days or so, forget it.

I am officially stashing my "What to Expect in the First Year" away for the next few months as we wont be needing it.

And I think I have to take up a hobby to pass the time.

I am so dissapointed.


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