Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I get by with a little help...

I was thinking today about my friends. I talk a lot about my family here and how supportive they are - and I am so happy and blessed that that is the case. My parents talk about our future baby in the same tones as they do about my niece, which makes me so grateful.

But I also have some pretty rocking friends. First, my parents' dear friends, K and G, are our sage advisors, having adopted a Korean baby 20-something years ago. They send little emails or funny comments at the best times and make sure that we know we have them pulling for us in a way that someone who has not adopted cannot do.

I also have the lovely ladies of Oregon/California who email and call and let me know that they may be far away but they are thinking of us daily.

I was thinking about this because I spent Sunday with my friend Y, who took a day out of her 8th month of pregnancy to meet me for lunch and then to walk me around Buy Buy Baby, which is like a Home Depot of baby shit. Also, my friend R, who is 7 1/2 months pregnant, walked me around Babies R Us a few weeks ago. What these amazing ladies did is give me the straight skinny on what we might need, decisions we need to make, and what is available in the land of baby stuff.

This has been great for me as I have read everything and reviewed things and made lists and then totally freaked out because there is so much to know. I mean it is SO overwhelming out there. And unlike other things I have had to shop for, this is serious as making the wrong choice could hurt our baby. My god, what if I get the wrong car seat, with no head support,and my baby gets whiplash? What if I get the folding-side crib and baby G gets his or her fingers caught? Every decision is fraught with this idea that if you fuck it up you are basically Britney Spears.

So Y and R taking me by the hand, almost literally, and sharing with me their decisions and what to look for and which brands offer the best quality for the best value was, in fact, invaluable. J and I are ready to at least start thinking about maybe registering. Or at least he is willing to go to BBB with me and start to fgure out what we want and then find them online for cheaper.

I also have a great friend, L, who is preggers AND adopting who gives me books and articles about adoption and parenting that help me learn and grow. She turned me onto Peggy Orenstein and turned me off Rebecca Walker. All while gestating and doing a big job. Her interest in me and support of me has really, truly, made a difference.

I wonder how people without a giant network of support, which I feel blessed to have, ever get through this.

I also found out that if I am not at my job for 12 months I do not qualify for FMLA when Baby G shows up. So if he or she shows up before June 2008, which I hope s/he does, I may be having some very difficult conversations with my manager. But, I keep telling myself, a job is for now. A child is forever. Hopefully. I plan to go all Scarlett O'Hara on my own ass and say "Fiddledeedee, I won't think about this today, tomorrow is another day" and just move forward quickly on the materials and still hope that the process moves quickly. Even if it does cost me my job.



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