Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I Dream of Baby

My sister in law is cool. She and her husband adopted a baby 2 years ago and have really been our guides through this, and Sunday we went over there for dinner and they told us their story, start to finish, with no details left out. We loved it. It was more detail than we had heard and their honesty, courage and joy was really beautiful.

One of the things she says is that she knew her baby was out there. She felt him, and was ready to get him when the time is right. She knew he had been conceived and was waiting for them.

Me? Not so much. I have been waiting for that "feeling" - the one that says our baby was conceived. All J and I do is sit around hoping some condom is breaking somewhere with a 4-star hotel and Diapers R Us nearby.

Last night I had my first baby dream.

The baby was, to be honest, more a mini version of our nephew J. He looked and sounded like J, and in fact was a mere newborn but was walking and talking like J (mostly saying yukky and potty). I remember thinking it was weird, like we had adopted another J - as the real life, older one was around in the dream as well.

I now wonder if that was my brain processing that we are, in fact, adopting a baby J -meaning a wanted, loved and desired baby that will come to us. Our own version of J, just for us.

It wasn't earth shaking, but it was the first time I had dreamt of our baby. I hope he or she comes back and that he or she starts to take some form that is unique to them. I cant wait to see.


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