Ok ready?

So I haven't been writing not because nothing is going on but because everything is going on but I wasn't ready to share. Now I am. I am at work doing this (bad R!) so it will be short and to the point.

Good news: I got pg. Naturally. Like, no fertility, no IVF, nothing. Just good old fashioned marital relations (sorry Mom and Dad for the reminder that I have sex). Our reaction gave new meaning to shock and awe - we ended up taking a test in the Stop n Shop bathroom in Wayne, NJ after I had not started my period. And when it was positive we just looked at each other. I think my hands were shaking. And then a woman came in the bathroom and kicked J out.

I mean who knew we could do this the right way? Why did we spend thousands? I have some great nerve damage and pychic torture as a parting gift, right? So that makes up for it.

I am 6 weeks and 4 days today. Around there. Cause see, when you do it naturally you don't actually KNOW altogether.

The pregnancy was going swimmingly, actually. Betas rising, symptoms flowing. Tired, big boobs, some nauseau. My lovely sister is pg also and she came to visit last weekend and we took tandem pregnancy naps. It was awesome.

Til yesterday.

Bad news: Well, sort of bad news. Unfortunately I started spotting this week, and then my betas from yesterday did not rise like they were supposed to. They did rise, but not enough. We have an ultrasound Monday and are holding out hope but are also realistic enough to know that betas don't lie and unless something really kick starts in there, Dr S may have bad news for us on Monday. I am sending great vibes to Dread Pirate Roberts and hope you do too. We decided to call him that as we know I am uber-high risk and that at any moment this could go downhill. Every night we say "good night, sleep well, most likely kill you in the morning" (if you haven't seen Princess Bride go rent it). It is sick, yes, but we never said we were normal.

Yesterday I was very upset as I have done everything right. No sugar, taking my metformin, even shooting myself daily with blood thinners so that my motherfucker gene clotting issue doesn't hurt DPR. But, most m/c are unexplained and if this one goes down that path we probably won't know why. I am of advanced maternal age, so it could be genetic, or there could be something else going on.

BUT, we are staying positive - while I dread the physical pain I may have to undergo psychically I feel so blessed that GUESS WHAT I AM FERTILE! I AM FERTILE! I AM FERTILE! I made a sign and flew it from my balcony. Except I don't have a balcony or sign making kit. But I am metaphorically flying the Fertile Banner.

Now we have to fix the "staying" fertile problem.

Good news: AND then we got a call Tuesday night (as I was spotting and freaking out) that we were picked by a birthmother! She is in Florida and is about 16 weeks. Due date is in February. She has had two boys so we are expecting another one, but of course who knows.

Now, everyone. Realize that it is early. Realize she could change her mind, or her ex boyfriend could derail the process, or there are a plethora of things that could happen. However, we are cautiously optimistic enough that we are planning to allow the family to throw us a baby shower, we have a plan to start calling day cares, and we are actually talking about it as "our child". As in, some woman in florida is walking around gestating our child. We are so happy about this. And she is drug and alcohol free. Stay healthy, birthmom!!!

Phew. Ok I am out with it all. I am so glad to be able to share the drama that is our lives lately. I went to bed at 8 pm last night.

More Monday when we have more info.

Dread, we love you and want you to live.

Gestating adopted baby, we love you too.