Calling all parents of two or more kids
A few questions:
1. Do you ever sleep again? Ever?
2. Have you read a book/eaten a full meal/watched TV/had any downtime AT ALL since your second was born?
3. How do you handle not shortchanging one for the other?
4. Do you and your husband/wife/partner go man on man or zone? Meaning one parents takes both kids so the other one can do something else? Or do you always divide up?
5. If you work, how did you balance the two?
6. Did your relationship with said husband/wife/partner die?
7. Do you love each kid equally? Or did you have to divide your love in half cause it was too much?
8. What do you love about having two or more kids?
This list above represents the sum total of my concerns. Looking forward to your answers.
In other news, got our references out and my employment confirmation in. Next up is the great gathering of financial papers. Once all that is done we will update our profile and I think we are done. It is much easier second time around, that's for sure.
Do you think I should get books on siblings for C? Or is it too soon? Considering she would rather EAT the book than read it?
posted by R @ 11:21 AM
4 Comments:
1. Not really. It's getting a little better now that the younger one is 25.
2. Not that we can remember. We did make it a point to have dinner as a family every night.
3. That's a tough one, especially if one takes more attention than the other (two guesses on which).
4. Zone more often, although we called it "tag-team" parenting.
5. K didn't start back at work until both were in school. Then G changed his work schedule to match the school hours.
6. No, but we both made it a point to work at it.
7. Yes, but very diffently, since they are so different from each other.
8.It's been 25 years (yesterday was S's Arrival Day!), so we'll have to think about that one for a while. Quick answer: we can't imagine our family any other way.
Best of luck
kathandgough
1. You have seen me sleep. For days. So, yes.
2. You have seen me do all of these things. So, yes.
3. You never short change one for the other, unless you are keeping score. Which you shouldn't.
4. We do man to man and a full zone. I like spending alone time with Josh and he with Maya and vice versa, and then all as a family. Works out well.
5. I have no balance between home and work. Always a work in progress. Will probably never get there, its all good, I want them to know a mommy that is a hard worker.
6. My relationship did not DIE, but it has changed. For the better.
7. I love each of my children equally. It is impossible not too. You would be surprised at how much love you have to give.
8. I love that they are all mine and we are helping to guide them into being the best people they can be. I love that we have connected two people, Josh and Maya, who will be, whether they like it or not, soulmates for life. And then adding to that little circle when it is time. I can't wait.
Love you. Love your blog.
Well, first of all, your concern that if you love one child a lot, you may take that love away from the other whom you will love less. NOT SO! It's amazing how loving your children works: you give all your love to one child, and you still have the same amount of "all your love" for the other. The idea that the sum total of mass and energy can be neither created nor destroyed doesn't work with love of children. It is, literally, boundless.
Now Mom and I did something unique: somehow we convinced each of our children that we loved the other more. It kept our daughters just a little off-balance, but as they grew up and went away to college, they saw that we actually did not prefer one to the other: we preferred both equally. Particularly educational was how the parents of their classmates treated their children. Both of our girls came home from each year at college with a greater appreciation of our parenting skills.
We split duties, depending on what our skills were. My skill was that I was the morning person, and so I made breakfast (milk shakes anyone? Nature's most nearly perfect food) and bag lunches for our daughters. And in the bag lunches I would often include little notes a la Linus's mom in Peanuts, and signed a la Welcome Back, Kotter ("Epstein's Mother").
One more thing that was really important: as K and G indicated in their comments, we also did have dinner with our daughters every night. EVERY night. Even with cello and piano and voice and cheerleading and student government and our own bizarre schedules of work and theater. And it was a debriefing time for our girls and for us. It also led to some of the funniest and happiest moments of our lives.
As I tell my cast members--here are my priorities for you in this theatrical production: (1) family and friends first; (2) then school or work, depending on which you're doing in your life; (3) then the theatrical production.
You and J are fantastic parents (as indeed are your sister and bro-in-law), and will be equally fantastic with #2 when she/he comes along. Fear not, fret not. But do try to catch up on your sleep in advance...just in case.
triton
Rachel! Your Back! Excellent! I don't have the experience your other posters have (god I love your dad) but as a new mother of more than 1, I'll say this: I love BOTH of them more, now that I have two. Strange, I know, but having C made me realize (on a new level) how quickly A is growing, so I must, and do, appreciate her even more every day. Before C was born I looked at A and thought "god, I'm so in love with you, how can I feel that way about anyone else?" I don't - I feel differently about this one. I love A differently b/c she's older and I know her better. Loving C is like getting to love A all over again from the beginning, except this time I'm not constantly terrified that I'm going to break him or he's going to stop breathing. (and my apologies for the alphabet soup name references).
On the work front, I worked on a project right after C was born (down side of consulting) and it was singularly the worst thing I have ever produced. Not good balancing. Still working on that.
Good luck and keep up the great writing!
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