Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Time for #2

So, we started a new adoption process.

How do I feel? I feel nervous. How will I balance big new promotion and two kids? How will I ensure that my marriage doesn't fall apart? How will we afford two college tuitions? How will I ever love a new baby like I love C?

I am excited, too but that is really overwhelmed by the above.

R, our social worker, came over Sunday for her first, and only, home visit prior to match. She loves us and C was her typical fantastically funny, energetic and lovely self. She kept trying to steal R's pen and scribble on our home study. Perhaps that would endear us more?

We are also on the "not trying NOT to try" (my english teacher parents just had heart attacks) for a natural pregnancy process - meaning if it happens, great. If not, at least I won't feel like I completely blocked off the possibility. After 4 m/c it feels like a triumph of hope over experience to even consider it. I just still have remnant feelings of failure for not being able to do something even idiot welfare moms who have 14 kids can do. Yes, you, stupid octuplet mom. Asshole.

I am going to start writing on here again now, the release is great for me and allows me to document our process. Stay tuned!


Blogger Rob said...

Hey, at least you didn't split the infinitive with your "not trying not to try" phrase. THAT would have pushed your folks over the edge. :-)

I think it's GRET1 that you're going for #2 in a variety of ways. I imagine I'd have very similar feelings of stress about it all. Keep talking about it up here...it'll probably help you sort it all out.

Glad to see you posting again!

3:37 PM  
Blogger Malia said...

Oh R, SO happy to see you back writing again, I have wanted to know how little C is doing for quite some time now, (I still check your blog for updates every day! ha ha)...so great to hear how well your baby girl is doing & excited you & hubby are going for 2! Congrats

4:53 PM  

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