For some unknown reason I can't post a title today. WTF?

So my title is: A Woman Outstanding in Her Field

Here's the question - how do you make your adoption profile stand out? I consider myself a pretty good writer in that I can spell and took grammar and have some HELLA English genes with my folks as, well, my folks. But when I put finger to keypad to create our adoption profile what comes out is the same shit everyone else writes.

Dear BirthMother, thank you for considering us. You must be overwhelmed. We promise to love your child and kiss its boo boos. We have money we will spend on pony rides and cheerleading uniforms. We will watch their soccer games which are really more like visual representations of anarchy, only slower.

Blah blah.

We have to literally answer 100 questions on our favorites and how did we meet and tell us about your pets and home and do you like your family and what do you like about each other and and and

And it just goes on.

And when I write it, and then check my work against all the other folks with profiles on the adoption agency site I realize, if I were a birthmother I would post 10 of these suckers and throw a dart as we ALL LOOK THE SAME. Same cheesy couple picture. Same obligatory family wedding picture that shows that we all still talk to each other. Same honeymoon shot in Hawaii or Italy or Indonesia (well, that's us). And same trite words that try to hide our desperation.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHOSE PROFILE I HAVE READ IS INFERTILE

Who knew? Who knew I had so many sisterfriends all over the country (most in my least favorite state, Ohio)?

So I ask, kind reader - J and I are cool folk. We live in a cool urban place. We have cool jobs. We are going to be cool parents. So how can we draw the birthmother's eye in a good way? How can we stand out? And no, swearing is not an option. We did, however, use Dodgeball and Wedding Crasher quotes in our "favorite quote" section. That might do it.