Friday, January 25, 2008

Sweet Jesus...

...she slept through the night.

Well, almost. She went down at 10:30 and got up at 4:30. And then slept til 8:30.

Her mother, however, was up more often, sure that she had died. I went in a few times (ok a lot) to make sure she was still breathing. My friend R says that will pass and I, too, will sleep through the night someday, but I am not convinced.

In other news, I have a friend-date next week set up by a woman at work who has a dear friend with an adoptive daughter 2 weeks younger than C. She seems lovely and smart (she is very, very senior in her company and seems like a great working mother compatriot) and all. What she seems, however, is different than me in how she is dealing with adoption.

I am the adoptive mom who works on her kid's LifeBook all the time, ensuring that the first few months of her life are fully documented and that her birth story, birthmother, travel story and adoption process are all duly noted for posterity. I am the adoptive mom whose parents thoughtfully sent her "Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born" by Jamie Lee Curtis, and I read it to her occasionally, adding details about her own birth, time at the Candlewood Inn, etc.

This woman doesn't have a lifebook. She has never heard of Jamie Lee Curtis's book. She is thrilled that her daughter looks like her "because it makes it easier" and doesn't tell anyone she is adopted.

I am not going to judge, because i have had enough judging. I am however interested in how we are dealing with this differently.

Both of us feel powerfully connected to our kids. Both of us struggled for years before getting the moniker we all craved: mommy. One us, her, has not told anyone that her daughter is adopted, and doesn't get stupid comments like "Will you raise her any differently than you would a natural child?". There is so much wrong with this statement that my relative (not close) made to me I don't even know where to start. But I guess I brought it on by being so open about her adoption.

I will be interested to note how she deals with things as the babies grow. Will she grow more comfortable telling people? Will I grow more reticent, less likely to be asked how I lost all the pregnancy weight, and start to forget how I got her and focus on that she is ours?

And if I buy her "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born", will she be offended?


Blogger Rob said...

In my opinion, the feeling of "holy SHIT why haven't I heard from my child overnight?" never goes away, but it's gets easier to handle. Yes, my child is six. T goes to bed 3-4 hours before we do; we still check in on him before we go to bed, though.

Hope your friend-date goes well and that you do find a few things in common. Nothing wrong with keeping your guard up at first, though. Not judgmental, just self-protection.

10:52 PM  

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