Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Back to the coal mines

I head back to work full time week after next. Next week is a 4-day'er which will help me slide back into the chilly waters of full time work and full time mommyness. Augh, as Charlie Brown says.

I love my job. I just wish I had a whole day to spend with C, then an alternate universe to step into that would ALSO allow me to be at work all day. I love dressing up and wearing makeup and drinking lattes. I love talking to smart people and solving problems. But I also worry that C will call our nanny "Mommy" and that I won't have enough energy to spend on her at the end of the day.

I see now how women are fucked. We have to decide; mommy of the year or corporate ladder? I feel like if I want to take some time to spend at home I have to take a slowdown on my career. That corporate America will look at me askance for wanting to try to balance both sides of my existence.

None of this is new but it is new to me. I now understand those women who rush out of work at 5:02, harried and guilty, to get home and try to squish 9 hours of time into 2 pre-bedtime hours. Its like i hate it when she goes to bed because it means I wont see her for another 18 hours.

Will this ever pass? How do we do it and not go crazy?


Blogger Steve said...

First, I love the first sentence of your third paragraph. I'm glad that you now see how women are fucked, funny.

Second, as I see my wife struggle with the same things you're writing about I can understand. I feel the same, just as a Daddy instead of a Mommy. I try to think in the terms of everything I do in a given day to grow my business and be successful, I do for my wife and kids. It makes it easier to justify working long hours and risking the daycare lady being called Mommy, again.
Lil' C knows you're her main squeeze and nobody can ever change or take that away.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Mrs. Jones said...

It bites. It just does. But it is also simultaneously a surfeit of blessings. For the first time in my life, I'm thinking of taking some time off from work, or only working part-time. I never thought I'd find myself thinking this way. Isn't it amazing what these little people can do?

3:17 PM  

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