Warning - Crazy Lady ahead

A serious warning - do not read this post unless you love me unconditionally. I am admitting some things here that are not pretty, but I promised to write about the good bad and ugly. I was bad and ugly today.

The last few days the cravings have really sunk in. And when I say cravings, I mean when I want something I want ONLY it and I want it NOW. The hostess cupcake was an example. It becomes an obsession people only write about.

Today J and I have some furniture coming so we ran out to do some errands quickly. This is after I slept 12 hours and then took a one hour nap. I still feel tired, headachy and generally like crap.

So we go. I wanted a latte and he a bagel, so I went to Dunkin Donuts. After standing in an unmoving line for 15 minutes, I got furious and called J at the bank and said loudly, and I quote, "Fuck this shit. This goddamn line isn't moving. Forget it". He said, sheepishly, "ok"

We go to the dry cleaners. I see McDonalds and continue my cravings for the nastiest crap on earth and decide I want a Filet O Fish, fully loaded, with hot mustard. I love it. I go in, J joins me. We order. There is a bit of confision as the woman behind the counter says no hot mustard. I am already pissed about the no latte thing, so I say honey mustard is fine. I guess she says some other stuff but I just nod. Get me my goddamn food lady.

It comes. WIth honey mustard on it. And no tartar sauce.

I freak.

I ask for just a "plain old, regular Filet O Fish with no honey mustard" - what i really wanted was the tartar sauce and cheese, Yum.

She gives me another one. We are now really late for the movers.

We go out to the car. I pull it out, ready to dig in. You guessed it - she gave me a plain Filet O Fish with NOTHING ON IT. No cheese, no tartar. Not really her fault - I did say plain old.

Next, friends, I pitch the worlds biggest fit. I am talking 2-year-olds could learn a thing or two from this tantrum. I mean HOW HARD IS IT TO GET THE MOST BASIC THINGS TODAY?? I cry. And I cry. Sobbing, actually. Like someone had run over my dog.

Meanwhile, J goes back in, really unbeknownst to me because I am still mid-cry, to ask for a FULLY LOADED Filet O Fish. I think he lied and said it was for him because at this point I have gone from wife to embarrassment.

During this time his mother calls on his phone, which is in the front seat. I answer it, because I am obviously stupid. She immediately hears me crying hysterically and starts the third degree. I tell her I cant talk and hang up.

Gee, Mom in Law, I am crying hysterically because my Filet O Fish was wrong twice.

I got the right one.

We came home, errands forgotten. I am still crying, but now because I have made J upset and am basically the worst person in the world.

It is like some alien took over my body and is making me eat, say and do the dumbest things. I have no control over my appetite, my sleep habits, or my emotions. I think I should go under some self-imposed exile for the next 5 weeks till this first trimester is over. I would hate me right now.

The only silver lining is that I am hoping with all this ridiculousness we will hear Stewie's heartbeat on monday - something's got to be going on, right? I am of course totally nervous about that and I am sure that doesn't help.

I apologize for my behavior today. Please dont judge or hold it against me. I am going to try harder.