Epilogue: Keith Richards

Today we verified the m/c - Keith was gone but his home was still there, though disintegrating. Dr S was happy with my uterus (ew) and said I was physically handling the m/c well - and that there was probably no need for any drugs or god forbid a d & c.

I did feel today like i was initiated into a new club - the repeat pregnancy loss club. No one wants to be a member but we are legion. If you go on any IF boards and look at pregnancy loss there are women on there with upwards of 10 miscarriages. Can you imagine?

As part of the RPL frequent flier club you get the RPL panel, which involved 13 vials of my blood and another hystereosalopinogram. I gave the blood, which they will test for clotting disorders, auto-immune diseases, chromosomal abnormalities and antiphosopholid issues. J will get the same tests when he returns from Dubai and Hawaii. I asked the nurse if she could draw blood from his testes so he can REALLY understand the pain I have experienced. She laughed and said she would look into it.

It takes up to 3 weeks to get the results back. We have an appointment on June 7th to get initial stuff back. It is not like i want something to be wrong, but I do want some answers. Its just with 5 eggs implanted, we have gotten pregnant twice and miscarried twice. That usually means all 5 eggs (4 last time, one this time) were not good - those are not good odds. At least we will know now if my eggs are the problem.

He wants to up my protocol again for next time. More reason to wait til the end of the summer, which is what J and I plan to do.

In the meantime I did a job on my left leg - I gave myself an overzealous PIO shot yesterday morning that I think I shoved so far in it went past my muscle into my leg bone. I have incredible pain there, like the world's worst bruise. The nurse said that because I have lost so much weight (again, for the wrong reasons, and I am sure i will gain it all back ASAP) I dont have enough fat to use the long needles and I needed to push them in like a third as far as I did. Whoops. Oh well, I am done with shots for at least two months now. Actually what she said was, "Some of our more plumper patients need the 22 1/2 gauge, but not you.". Plumper patients?

So we bid a loving goodbye to Keith Richards. He really was amazing. Dr S was very sad about the m/c, he said he was really optimistic even with the low beta. He still feels almost 100% certain that we will have a live birth, but sadly I dont believe him. But, it doesn't matter. We will be parents one day.