Sunday, May 13, 2007

An ode to Keith Richards

I have to tell you an amazing story.

As you all know we had an IVF genocide, with one survivor - Keith Richards. He fought so hard to live and made it to transfer, doubling nicely.

To my surprise, his fighter spirit continued and at 8 days past my transfer, as J was getting ready to leave, I got the FAINTEST positive pregnancy test. I began HPT (home pregnancy test) Buy-Out 2007, with the total spent around $100. Each day the line got a bit darker, and I spent most of J's first weekend gone carrying around urine-soaked sticks to various lights to see, in fact, if I was pregnant.

I took my inital beta, and got back results - 56. I was definitely pregnant but the numbers were low. Keith was hanging on and had actually implanted and was sticking in! He amazed me.

Two days later I went in again for the repeat beta and he was growing! It was 117, which more than doubled, which meant he was growing on target. However, it was still too low. Tomorrow was to be our third beta, and we wanted to see a level of 400 or so to know he was viable.

We lost Keith on Friday night, when I arrived at the yoga/meditation retreat I am currently at in the Catskills. I started cramping very badly and when I got up saturday I was bleeding. I called my RE at 5 am (that is why I pay him the big bucks) and he said there was no reason to rush home, it was done, and I am to come in tomorrow for a repeat preg loss panel of tests because this was m/c #2.

Honestly, while of course I am sad and angry, I am also so grateful for Keith - he really tried and was such a fighter. He beat 15% odds (my chances of getting pregnant off one egg), hooked on and gave me 5 days of feeling him. I love him so much for trying and am in awe of his strength. I am so sorry he is gone, but the mental prep we did for his potential for leaving really helped - when it happened J and I were sad, but calm. Dissapointed, but not devastated.

J is in Dubai so I have been giving myself intramuscular shots for many days now and am really impressed with myself - nothing says nasty like seeing a 2 inch needle go all the way in your leg. But Keith was totally worth it to me!

Now I just wait til the test results come back. J and I meet in Hawaii in two weeks, where I guess I can now scuba dive. And when we come back, we will start adoption proceedings. It is time.

We will cycle again, but I need to give myself a few months. I have lost a lot of weight (unhealthily), am crampy, sore, headachy and achy, and am so, so tired. The hormones have done a job on me and I need to get my health back.

So everyone, rather than feeling sad, please feel happy that J and I created such a little fighter. He was wonderful and strong and really showed us.


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