Long Time No Blog

Its because I have been really really not feeling well.

You all know I have been interviewing like mad. Well I am basically at the offer stage for one of the jobs, and had the final meeting today, and I came out of there and decided to drop out of the process. It is a long, drawn out story but basically the senior level, high profile job I thought I was interviewing for has morphed into a job that feels like Toby from The Office. It is a smaller role than I thought, and while tstill technically he most senior HR role, is really not comparable to the work I am doing at my current job. As more details come out I feel like I really dodged a bullet. I feel very dissapointed and sad about it, and wish I really wanted to leave my current role and go there, but it is just not right.

I went through a tremendous emotional swing today - realizing that I was angry about the changes to my current job, fearing leaving for something I was not excited about, wondering if I was just scared to go through more change, wondering how some upcoming personal events were going to work out and affect my employment, etc. And when I realized that I didn't HAVE to take this job it was like a weight had been lifted. It felt like when I broke up with that AWFUL guy and felt so free. The interview process, in retrospect, was wrought with issues but now I can walk away (after telling the headhunter who is probably going to come to my office and bitch slap me for going this far in the process and then dropping out) knowing more about what I want.

Am I an asshole for staying? They treat me like crap now. But I can sit there and do not that much work, take my summer fridays off, know I can do my job in 25 hours, come and go as I please, and still look for something different once I feel ready. I have two more interviews this week for two other very interesting jobs, so I guess it is not like I am sitting around waiting for someone to hand me a job.

I went to a lunch and learn at work today about adoption. A friend was going and asked me along at the last minute. I figured hey, free lunch.

It was this hoity toity agency out of Manhattan that a lot of my friends use - I hated them. Well, I actually just sort of disliked them, but REALLY hated the woman next to me. She said, and I am not making this up, "Why don't you test IQ and EQ and such? I have friends who are rich and kind and fantastic and have these two AWFUL adopted kids! They wish they could've known that the kids' "nature" was going to overtake their "nurture"". The whole group gasped. And then she went on to say that she has another friend who is Orthodox who adopted a child who, another gasp, REJECTED JUDIASM. I mean, does it get any worse than this? (Is there a sarcastic emoticon???) A kid rejected his parents religion? Adoption must truly be the devil's playground. That NEVER happens with birth children (again, need that sarcastic emoticon).

Basically this woman should've had "REJECTED" stamped on her head the minute she started talking. And this great guy in the room said, loudly, "I know lots of biological children who suck. It is not the fact that they are adopted that makes any difference".

See? I can't leave this job. They do Ultimate Fighting Championship at lunch!

Anyway HoityToity Agency was just too too for me. Few newborns, no mixed race, and 2 year wait. Forget it.

I did call J and tell him I went because we agreed not to do anything about adoption until we made decisions about cycling again. And then I went. But as I told him, I didn't learn anything.