Broke my vow

I told my RE and J that I would NOT go online anymore, but today is quiet at work and I did some reading...well actually I read a 20-page research study from the Australiasian Reproductive Agency or something that I literally needed to get an MD to understand, but the best line was this: "Metformin causes a degree of anorexia resulting in reduced food intake."

Then, I proved that I have the sickest sense of humor because I laughed out loud. I laughed because the idea that I would EVER get anorexia is hilarious. No one likes food more than me. But, they are right. That is the best way to describe it. When I first started on the Metformin I could literally go days without eating, happily. But at the same time I became totally fixated on food, wondering what would make me sick, what the fat and sugar content was (fat and sugar are what cause the stomach issues), etc. I was a Kate Moss, Karen Carpenter freak show. I was a few weeks away from my own after school special.

I am better now. Though I still try to eat really healthy, less because I have to or my gut explodes and more because I am happy with me, 10 pounds lighter. I am afraid to start eating the crap I ate before, and the amount. PCOS actually leaves you with an inability to tell when you are "sated" - which was totally me. Once, in college, I ate 3 salads, 4 helpings of spaghetti with bread, and 3 brownies. I had to leave my sorority chapter meeting to run to the bathroom because I think the food literally wouldn't fit in my stomach. But damn, it was worth it. I am used to people having me over and commenting on how much I eat. So this is a nice change. And i have not ever really been fat, though some bad ex boyfriends have made comments. Jerks. J would never say that.

Anyway, side issue. The article was about whether to stay on Met while pregnant. I decided if I was going to read postings (check out www.soulcysters.com - message boards all about women with PCOS) I would read positive ones about women who ARE pregnant. It was really uplifting. There was a list of women who had had successful IVF, and no kidding, of the 25 or so names there were 4 triplets and like 9 twins. Uh, wow. We cant find one first name that sounds good with my husband's super cheesy Jew-y last name, much less three. Cross that bridge later.

I am feeling really good. Really good. Its weird. Lupron is not bad, at least not after 3 days of it. I feel a bit tired but that is because my life is crazy, not because I am drugged up. My sister, who is one of my favorite people in the world, called yesterday and we had a nice talk. It was the first time I didn't bawl or scream the entire conversation in probably two months. Too bad once I start follistim it all goes away....