PSYCH!

Not going to talk about god today. Not in the mood. More pressing things.

This new potential job opportunity got very interesting today - the job is way more senior than I thought it was and I now feel totally underqualified. I spoke to the headhunter and basically this would be a dream job in terms of next steps, never mind the money. So I plan to go in there in my $50 Casual Corner suit and boots from Payless and try not to make an ass of myself. I will try not to say "like" and try not to swear. I will sell myself and smile and ask thoughtful questions.

And when I am done I will laugh all the way back to work that they were fooled into thinking I could do it. And if, by some miracle, they decide they want me, I will have some decisions to make.

Basically my boss told me today to GET OUT while I can. Sort of. She gave me her thoughts around the future of our company and it seems change will continue to happen and I will probably end up in a worse position than even now. That freed me a bit - I love my job and REALLY love my company and the thought of leaving made me teary - but if it is going to lose what made it good me leaving will feel easier.

But, as my friends and therapist always tell me, why worry about something I can't predict? So for now, I did my research on the company tonight, typed up my list of questions for the COO, made copies on nice paper of my resume, and got the cat hair off my coat. The rest is gravy. Oh and I will pull out my 1995 Cas Corner suit and hope to hell he can't tell that I have had it 12 years.

Had a fun night - went to an a cappella concert with R. She is looking great and feeling good - two more weeks of first trimester and she can start celebrating out in the open with friends! Which when you are pregnant is probably having a glass of water and going to bed at 7.

In other good pregnancy news my friend Y had a fantastic drs appointment yesterday - she basically has the risk factor for Downs and Trisomy of a 20 year old. And she is not 20. So I think she should start rocking the half shirts, create a MySpace page, and start going to raves. I am thrilled for both of them. We also got to see the baby move on her blog page, which was awesome.

And that is the truth! I told them both in email last month that one day soon I would be happy for them, and not too jealous, and I am there, thank god. While I still get pangs, considering Y is due the day after I was I am honestly very happy for both of them. I wish them both easy pregnancies and easy births. And I will babysit until our mixed race adopted baby shows up. Then we can have play dates. They can still marry each other.

J is still in Hawaii and I had a jealous moment yesterday - one of his staff members had IVF and I think she overstim'd, so she spent the day in the hospital. He was with her the whole day and missed all his meetings. I was so proud of him for being so kind and thoughtful, and worried for her, but baby me said "hey, my husband isn't here with me, he is with some other infertile chick! What's that about"? It wasn't about cheating or anything, it was about missing him and feeling jealous that his staff member got him there to help her. i hate when he travels but need to be more supportive - that is how he makes his money. But I want him here, now! Wah! Wah! Change my diaper!

Saw the dermatologist today. Have three suspicious moles that I have to get biopsied. She mentioned tentatively that I will get a shot to numb the area and I said "Listen Doc, I am in fertility treatments. I can GIVE myself that shot and not even feel it". She laughed.

OH! The funniest part of today was at the a cappella concert R and I sat next to a friend of the friend we came to see. At first we were like who is this chick, we want to dish about our friend in the show. Then R went to the bathroom and I offhandedly asked the woman "so what do you do?" SHE IS AN EMBRYOLOGIST. Well, that was it. I was in love. I bent her ear and hung onto her every word the rest of the time. She and I were discussing trophoblasts and morulas and uterine linings like you would not believe. She with 7 years at Sloan and me with 25 books and a Phd in Googledom. She was impressed. Or not. She didn't really say, actually.

R said it was like sitting a crack addict next to a pipe. Interesting facts: she said if I had bad eggs I never would've gotten blasts. She also said that PCOS doesn't cause miscarriage, as it really just affects the eggs prior to fertilization. She has PCOS and got an ovary out b/c of it. Who knew? So i need to stop telling everyone my eggs are crap. Well, I should've anyway. What serendipity!

Off to bed to sleep and prepare mentally for OverReach Job 2007. Wish me luck. Do you think they will see the sign on my forehead that says "I AM FROM IDAHO FOR SHIT'S SAKE - WHY DID YOU EVER THINK I COULD DO THIS JOB "? Not that there is anything wrong with Idaho (mom and dad don't flame me) but sometimes living in the big city feels scary and I am reminded that I grew up in a place where I could smell cow dung at the local movie theater. I love my life. Bad eggs and all.

Quick update: I just re-read this and realize that I write really fucking long blog entries. Sorry.