Monday, March 26, 2007

In other news...R is a misanthrope.

There have been quite a few news and magazine articles lately that have really bothered me. And not to sound like Grandpa on the Simpsons but it is making me want to write a 'strongly worded letter' to, I don't know, someone.

First, I guess Alice Walker (whom I love) has some bitchy daughter named Rebecca. It was in the Times magazine section last weekend. I guess they are estranged, probably because the daughter sucks. Basically she was this anti-establishment person (the type that is usually borne out of privelege, who grows up with NYC with rich, artsy type parents, who wears hemp clothing and has a driver, who goes to Williams because she wants to be a poet, who has never worked a day in her life) who dated a woman (wow, how incredibly edgy - who gives a shit in this day and age?) and then dated a man, got pregnant and is raising her son. All fine. Except she wrote this really self-aggrandizing book about having a child (emphasis on HAVING). Here is a quote from the NYT:

"The most incendiary notion in “Baby Love” may be that, for Ms. Walker, being a stepparent or adoptive parent involves a lesser kind of love than the love for a biological child. "


Who the fuck writes that?

Then I picked up Oprah this month. Giant mistake. I did it because a friend said that there was an article about adoptive families. There are actually 3 articles in there. And in 2 of the 3, it is all about how the adoptive child found their "real" mom. The third article is about how stupid people are about multi-racial families through adoption. Basically it is the most depressing thing about adoption I have ever read. The second article goes so far as to have a sentence about how a grown woman who did geneological work to locate her now-dead birth mother and father feels that now that she has found her "real" self, can pass on her "real" identity to her child. Never mind that her adoptive parents clothed, fed and loved her. Jesus. Ingrate.

Lastly, I am annoyed at this NY Times article about day care kids, which stopped just short of saying "Hey, you, you want a Jeffrey Dahmer? Send your kid to DAY CARE". Yes, the outcome of the study was that kids in day care had more behavioral problems than those at home. Yet all the pithy headlines fail to mention that day care kids are also seen as having better vocabularies. So maybe our kids go to the principal more often, but they can discuss Nietzche whilst there.

That's beside the point, however; my point is that there is enough agite about stay at home moms versus working moms, with working moms usually getting eviscerated, or at least quietly judged, and this just throws fuel on the fire. I plan to work, and be a great mom. My friends' (and sister's) kids who are in day care LOVE it and are beautifully socialized and behaved. I also know people who enjoy staying home, and their kids love that too, so do what you want people! Just stop judging each other!

So, if I were a clippings person, here are the headlines today:

"Adoptive kids really just want their real parents; who gives a fuck who really RAISED them"
"Adoptive parents have no idea how to really love their children, since they didn't birth them"
"Day care is akin to "crate training" your child"

Yes, I am bitter. Yes, a lot of the statements I am making are hyperbole. The point is, who gives fertile angsty woman the right to make a whole lot of infertiles, for whom adopting is the only chance to experience parenthood, feel bad? Who gives these adopted kids the right to reject the people who raised them just because they are not genetically related to them? And who gives people the right to judge how other people take care of their children?

These people all suck. And I am evidently defensive. Perhaps I will print this out and bring it to Infertility Therapist. She'd have a field day.

Quick update: I got so pissed after writing this I put a comment (concise, not inflammatory and no swear words) on Rebecca Walker's blog: http://www.rebeccawalker.com/blog/2007/03/new-york-times-clarification.html. I highly doubt she will approve it and it will post as the rest of the comments are from sycophants, and I know from my IF blogging community that people are PISSED. Tempest in a teapot, but the tea is all ours.


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