Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Calling all parents of two or more kids

A few questions:

1. Do you ever sleep again? Ever?
2. Have you read a book/eaten a full meal/watched TV/had any downtime AT ALL since your second was born?
3. How do you handle not shortchanging one for the other?
4. Do you and your husband/wife/partner go man on man or zone? Meaning one parents takes both kids so the other one can do something else? Or do you always divide up?
5. If you work, how did you balance the two?
6. Did your relationship with said husband/wife/partner die?
7. Do you love each kid equally? Or did you have to divide your love in half cause it was too much?
8. What do you love about having two or more kids?

This list above represents the sum total of my concerns. Looking forward to your answers.

In other news, got our references out and my employment confirmation in. Next up is the great gathering of financial papers. Once all that is done we will update our profile and I think we are done. It is much easier second time around, that's for sure.

Do you think I should get books on siblings for C? Or is it too soon? Considering she would rather EAT the book than read it?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Please don't read it as ambivalence

J and I were noting last night how adopting feels different this time. Last time the minute we got the ginormous packet from American Adoptions we tore through it, making lists and gathering info and filling out forms until the wee hours. I think our turnaround on everything but the fingerprints was about 2.5 seconds.

Now that our wee hours include a wee one, we realized that we left the adoption info packet on the front table for, oh, about 3 days. We did get off our assess to bring our social worker, R, into our house on Sunday for the obligatory "have you killed anyone, is your kid thriving, and do you have a fire extinguisher" visit, but that is it. I just made appointments for us to get our fingerprints. I told someone in my department to get me a letter verifying I am, in fact, paid for the labor of love that is my job. I think I asked a few folk to write us reference letters. Haven't sent them out yet.

It is not that we don't want to do this (we do) or that we don't have time to get our acts together (we have from 7:30 on every night when C goes to bed). We are just not in a huge hurry. We agreed that we want multiple children, and that when they are like 4 and 6 it will be awesome, but we are also in a great groove with C and both of us are, I think, afraid to upset the proverbial apple cart.

Don't get me wrong. I love baby babies. I love the drool, the poo, the night feedings (really!). I guess I just wonder if I have it in me to love another little one like I love C. Will I divide my love in half? Will the part that loves J go away and settle on the new baby? Will I ever be able to say I am balancing things well? Cause now we are.

Still, though, when I look at new babies or at pictures of C from a year ago I ache. I do want multiple kids. Hell, if we can afford I want as many as that crazy-as-bat-shit octuplet mom. Except we won't, cause I was raised to take responsibility for myself and we can't afford it.

But 3? Totally in plan.

So we will get this done, and come July when J stops traveling for the year we will put our names in with our referral service and hope for another late-night text saying "your child was born". Or even make it in time to see it this time.

And we are so, so excited for that.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Time for #2

So, we started a new adoption process.

How do I feel? I feel nervous. How will I balance big new promotion and two kids? How will I ensure that my marriage doesn't fall apart? How will we afford two college tuitions? How will I ever love a new baby like I love C?

I am excited, too but that is really overwhelmed by the above.

R, our social worker, came over Sunday for her first, and only, home visit prior to match. She loves us and C was her typical fantastically funny, energetic and lovely self. She kept trying to steal R's pen and scribble on our home study. Perhaps that would endear us more?

We are also on the "not trying NOT to try" (my english teacher parents just had heart attacks) for a natural pregnancy process - meaning if it happens, great. If not, at least I won't feel like I completely blocked off the possibility. After 4 m/c it feels like a triumph of hope over experience to even consider it. I just still have remnant feelings of failure for not being able to do something even idiot welfare moms who have 14 kids can do. Yes, you, stupid octuplet mom. Asshole.

I am going to start writing on here again now, the release is great for me and allows me to document our process. Stay tuned!