Saturday, December 29, 2007

So what and now what?

What to do with a blog that is all about infertility when I have come out the other side and have a baby? Not one of my body but of my heart? Do I write about every little smile, fart and sleep more than 3 hours? Do I tell you that my life is so full I cannot believe I ever lived without her? Or is that trite, boring, not cynical enough?

I will tell you that my fertility issue is an annoying relative that I am so glad is gone. I tell J that he gets a MILF who will never have saggy boobs or stretch marks (though of course anyone who has those needs to bear them as the beautiful marks they are of what they got to experience, that I never will).

I feel happy that I have let go of my fertility and am finally (mostly) at peace with never being pregnant again. Staying pregnant again? Whatever it is, I am glad to see the back of it.

This month, for the first time since May 2006, I was happy to see my period. Really happy.

Am I cured? No. Am I at rest now? Yes.

So what do you all think?

Turn this into a book?

Stop writing?

Start a new blog somewhere about the trials and tribulations of a working mom?

Turn this into an adoption blog to help people understand my experience and, more importantly, help ME understand this experience?

What say you?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Not much is new...with me.

Showering more frequently.

Thinking about going back to work PT

Struggling to find childcare

However, baby C is growing and growing! She was 9 lbs 4 oz at her last drs appointment and grew an inch and a half! She is crazy big.

She grabs our hands and looks in our eyes.

My heart still melts whenever I pick her up.

We sent a letter and pics to S, who is having a hard time with the adoption. I feel awful but also so, so glad and thankful to her.

Ok baby C is crying and my heart needs to melt again.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The status quo is dead

Everyday is so different. I mean the things that stay the same are:

1. I am still showering every third (or fourth) day
2. I still have hardly left the house
3. My nesting instinct is so strong I have never been so organized. J too, we went grocery shopping last night (I took a shower to celebrate it!) and we spent a good 50 minutes putting groceries away in our pantry that implemented a new, fantastic organizational system (non-soup cans on this shelf, soup on that shelf, spaghetti materials on this shelf, etc)
4. My teeth are slowly starting to rot based on the fact that brushing my teeth is optional most days
5. I still love C so much I could just eat her little face.

The things that change are HER! Her schedule is anything but. Basically she used to sleep all day, all the time. Now she sleeps for 30 minutes at a time once or twice a day. Thank god the night sleeping continues to be at 3 hour stretches. But while I once had all day to fix up the nursery, return calls and emails, write thank yous, eat, etc I now have a grand total of about 2 hours total, in short bursts, where I can start things but not finish. I rush around like a madwoman during those times and if the phone rings I ignore it as I MUST CLEAN AND ORGANIZE.

Who am I?

I used to envy women who stayed home as having a life of leisure and time to burn. Now i realize you are a slave to an 8 pound person who knows no clock. Nothing ever gets done and forget doing anything for yourself, like reading the paper or a magazine. Or even watch TV. I read the paper this morning while feeding both C and myself. It was amazing. I grew another arm.

I have not worn a watch in weeks and only pull out the wedding rings when I am going out. Cause you know, looking as good as I do, I am sure men are LINING UP to get wit' me.

Basically I can't believe how busy things are and I hope they calm down. Cause when you add 9 hours of work time to this whirlwind I am not sure how I will do it and what I will have to give up. All that's left is sleep and that is a precious commodity too. So, we shall see.

I am really enjoying this, and her. This is what I waited for. It is so worth it.

Q: when your daughter projectile vomits up her milk, what orifices does it come out? A: All!